Ok, so I am going to “start somewhere,” and try to start a blog where I make 100 posts in the year 2025 about sex, consent, and self worth as a pro-feminist, anti-capitalist, anti-authoritarian, cisgendered dude who has had fulfilling sexual relationships with women-identifying folks in a political and social environment that feels like it is giving itself over entirely to patriarchal misogyny. This very first one is just going to be pretty stream of conscious brain storming about topics I want to cover in these 100 blog posts, and why I am doing this, but probably in reverse order, and with no promises of covering every thing.
The elevator pitch for “why am I doing this?” is that I think the one place Donald Trump has really managed to succeed beyond what conservatives previously thought possible for themselves was to make blatantly self-serving, amoral, patriarchal misogyny a personal brand and unapologetically sell it to a generation of young men that were possibly on the cusp of questioning whether patriarchy still had anything to offer them at all anymore. I personally want to live in a world without patriarchy or misogyny, so I think it sucks to see so many young men repeating ideas that I thought we had maybe crushed by the early 2010s, but clearly I was wrong, and the reactionary surge of “Men’s Rights” bullshit and sexual predators knowingly being welcome back everywhere into positions of power and prestige in society is starting to feel like a giant, personal “fuck you” to the decades of work I did trying to address gender-based violence professionally and as a community organizer…as well, of course, as being really bad for the world as a whole. I think I will have to get into a lot more of that personal history in later blogs, but it is becoming abundantly clear that there has been a safe space of misogynistic ideas about gender and sexuality that has been cultivated on parts of the internet and social media that a lot of folks on the left wrote off as fringe and out of touch, and it has cost us dearly.
I think there are a lot of male-identified folks out there who wanted to discuss and explore sexual desire, especially their own developing sexual desire for women, and the only place where they were able to find those conversations happening in ways that felt authentic to their own experiences (and freely accessible) were in places on the internet dedicated to the manipulation and economic exploitation of insecure men craving access to what they identify as desirable female bodies. I am talking about the entire world of mainstream pornography (a massive, opaque economy built explicitly for the purpose of this kind of economic exploitation), but also a lot of “Men’s health industrial complex” type internet and social media stuff too, some of the worst of “gamergate” gamer culture, as well as grotesquely hypocritical patriarchal religious organizations and men’s social organizations as well. That is a big net, and it isn’t comprehensive. This also isn’t an attempt to cast blame on any one person or small group of people who participate in any one of these groups, or to pretend like the internet originated these places or even made them any worse than they were before the internet, but to acknowledge that Trumpist right-wing politics have massively benefited from targeting men through these internet platforms, and the left’s efforts to counter them or offer alternatives failed miserably, and without the left realizing how devastating this failure was going to be.
Like, I think a lot of leftists were like, “look! We are winning (changing ideas about what male identity and sexuality can be) in certain institutions like college campuses and some mainstream entertainment industries, so maybe we are winning with the youth overall?!” But the reality was that young men with questions about their own developing heterosexuality were not turning to college classrooms or mainstream entertainment industry giants like Disney to answer these questions. They were turning to free porn on the internet and community spaces where they felt like could talk to other people in similar situations about the kinds of sex (and the development of identities built upon that kind of sex) that were happening in that porn. And this isn’t even a trend unique to male centric conversations about heterosexual sex. The whole “what media appears free to the end user, and what media seems price prohibitive to the end user (especially when the end user is a minor with limited economic freedom)?” is problematic in everything from news media to even academic research media literacy. Ivory Towers of knowledge and wisdom are getting torn down across the world because there is easy money and power in doing it, and “Anti-Woke” misogynistic gender ideology is only one of these easy paths to money and control over a population of people with a lot of political power and capacity for extremist violence.
But it is the one that I think I have spent a lot of time learning about and trying to respond to in the past, and so I want to write a ton of blogs (like 100 in 1 year) that adress the kinds of questions that patriarchal misogyny has created a monopoly on answering for many young men. Maybe in the process of sharing these writings with you all as an audience, and possibly inspiring some of y’all to respond back or start conversations about these topics within communities you are more comfortable communicating within, we can start building a more effective response than we’ve done in the past.
So why am I doing this? Because I think the left (and specifically folks who identify as men on the left, because this isn’t another job we need to push off on women or nonbinary folks, expecting them to do this labor for free) needs to talk about how we talk about sex and with whom we have been including and excluding from those conversations. This is an ambitious project, and I have struggled to do any writing of any significance in the year and a half since my son was born, but by putting the goal out here in cyber space, maybe it will push me to be more accountable to myself, and to this project. Feel free to reach out with questions, suggestions, or encouragements to keep going on this project!